Thursday, October 23, 2014

Breaking the Chain of Shame and Silence

(Trigger/Content warning: This post contains references to abuse that readers may find to be triggering.)

Most women have an IPV story to tell. Let’s break the chain of shame and silence against Domestic Violence……What’s your story?

Here’s mine…..Dating this guy and he showered me with gifts that covered up the subtle control. It started out as slow demands and put downs. “Go get the remote for me”, when he was closer to it than me and “take that outfit off it looks terrible”. After a while I started to protest his many demands and put downs. That’s when he stepped up his game in attempts to break me. 

He became physical when I turned down his sexual advances and kicked me out of the bed and I bruised my hip. He cried and apologized and I believed that it wouldn’t happen again. But of course it did, pulling my hair while I’m driving, choking, slapping, shoving, tracking my whereabouts and more verbal put downs. I had enough and took out a protection order against him. But it didn’t stop him, one day he showed up at the school where I taught and just walked in my classroom, he would leave gifts on my doorsteps and he followed me in the market where I shopped. 

When I would leave for work he would be standing on the corner of my street. I also found his brand of cigarette butts in the rear of my house. Plus, he had a connection at the phone company because; every time I changed my phone number he managed to get the new number. I kept calling the police, but he would always leave before they got there. One officer finally said, “off the record, I would get a gun if I were you”. 

I knew I was left to my own devices, so I used my contacts. I knew some people in the court system and as it turned out he had a bench warrant. I was told just give the word and we’ll have him picked up. The next time he called I told him I knew about his bench warrant, and stop bothering me or I will have you picked up and jailed. I needed to have something to hold over his head. 

And it worked. Didn’t hear from him anymore, but some years later I heard he had gotten married and I saw him and his wife at a concert. He was holding her hand and she looked scared. How well do I know what that look was about!! I felt so sorry for her.

By Asha Molock

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